


If I rebel will you notice me then?

by Myheartisblack



Category: Umbrella Academy, Umbrella academy comics
Genre: Other, Poetry, Teenage Rebellion, dont smoke, impulsive haircut, poetry doesn’t always help, smoking kills, sorry Vanya I love you, teenage angsty bullshit, vanya centric, vanya deserves better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-21 12:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18142181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myheartisblack/pseuds/Myheartisblack
Summary: Vanya was tired of being invisible. Tired of being useless. She wanted to be more. Mean more. So she decided she will. Poetry and a haircut could do wonders for your self esteem.





	1. Angsty Teen?

She woke up fixed her hair and then went to the table . Invisible like always. Camouflaged to the chair as eyes passed over her.  
Seven was an odd number. Sounds like the person who made it was definitely on something. After noticing nobody cared about her she sat still and quiet she never had to learn to pretend to eat.  
She just waited until it was safe to leave. She wrote the poems about being alone. Stories about armour that she wishes she didn’t have to have . Novels unpon novels about meaning something.  
In the bottom drawer of her desk lay a pack of cigarettes with only six left.Next to them a huge bundle of saved money tied together with scunchies and razor blades.  
Bad decisions she wrote perched on her window sill.Often occur when people realize things about themselves.  
Decisions describe how people deal with things. Like how my hair instantaneously hides me. How my posture fades me into the background of every place I’m at.  
How in a house full of people who matter she scribbled. I’m the empty space in between their words.  
Writing with a violence that would startle any sane person she continued. No one gets to decides if you matter. No one should be able to tell you if you have a purpose or not. Maybe that’s my super power in the end. Somehow never mattering to anyone. Maybe she scrawled if I take off my armour. If I let myself breathe again. I’ll matter and they’ll notice. Maybe she finished , maybe then I won’t be alone anymore.  
Slamming her book shut ,putting on her hoodie and pants. She shoved her money and cigarettes and a knife into the hidden pocket of her jeans for protection she climbed down the fire escape.  
She waltzed through the streets with a confidence that wasn’t faked for once. She felt tears well up in her eyes at the idea of being exposed. At the idea of finally being seen. She forced herself to calm down at least for now.  
Opening a the door to a hair dressers she saw elderly ladies give her form a curious look. A 15 year old school girl with long hair down to her mid back with bangs hiding her eyes, a bruise on her chin and determination in her steps. As they lock eyes they know exactly what she needs.  
A wave of understanding flood the air between them as she hands them her money. She doesn’t have to tell them anything she knows. Her entire life story hangs on the strands on her head. In the mirror her nervous eyes meets the sympathetic ladies.  
The rhythmic chopping noise takes her by surprise yet she reminds herself to breathe. It feels like time is never ending. Like in this moment she’s frozen in time.With her eyes shut 50 minutes pass. A light tap makes her open.  
Endless poems begin to write themselves about reblleion and freedom as she stares at herself. Big brown weary bright eyes stare back. With galaxies inside them she gets lost for a moment.  
Buzzed short brown hair framing her face. She looks free and scared but free. She hugs them as she leaves.She rushes home and climbs the fire escape. Sitting on the window she lights up a cigarette.  
Rebellion she began to write doesn’t have to be big. It could small. It could be a chip in the armour that will matter later. It could the last thing you say to a person before you never see them again. Rebellion she finishes with is defining yourself as who you want to be instead of who you’re seen as.  
She puts her cigarette out after ten minutes of staring at the sky and then it’s show time. The big show,the final curtain. Only she doesn’t know her lines and she’s never been in the spot light before. She glides like the ghost she is and sits and waits. They all sit down and eat.  
And she waits. And waits. Until she knows she feels her heart crack in half and begun to shatter in small pieces.  
She reminds herself that she can’t hide now when she wants to cry in front of others as she waits for them to finish and leave before sprinting.  
Her book opens and a cigarette hangs as she puts her feet out the window as she writes.If a warrior goes into battle without his shield he’ll die. If he has zero experience with defending himself he’s a goner. No sane person would get rid of their shield.  
And yet . I did. With tears streaming down her face,scars against her hips , and a lit cigarette she knew who she was.Smiling though her tears she wrote I’m Vanya Hargreeves . Number seven of the umbrella academy.  
The girl who knows the ins and outs of this hunted house they all call a home. Vanya Hargreeves who has the biggest heart she’s ever seen. Number seven who’s power has to be invisibility given how much she’s blends in.  
Vanya Hargreeves she wrote now silently sobbing while beaming. The most insane bravest girl who’s quiet rebellion wasn’t noticed till six days later by the drug addict she calls brother.  
Vanya who swallowed harshly when at dinner they all stare at her as she’s on display. Father who scowls and tells her over chicken while her siblings snicker that number seven has never looked so odd.  
Vanya who writes poetry because no one cares to hear her talk anymore. Seven who’s always odd in a room full of even numbers.  
No one knows she exists anymore until she does . Vanya Hargreeves the local cryptid the probably doesn’t exist. The girl who never had any lines got the leading role and aced it.  
Who instead of responding with words when they gawk at her messy hair just smiles.  
Beams with the force of the sun. Almost as bright as the fire she uses to light her final cigarette she will ever taste.  
Vanya she finishes with a bittersweet smile. The girl who never mattered in the right ways. The girl who’s extra ordinary in a life full of amazing children. The girl who spews poems like her first language.  
The girl who only mattered to herself. And that’s enough for her. To matter to herself is the only job she’s ever been given and if she doesn’t do it who will?  
Closing her beaten book a gift of a lost friend who was the Roman numeral on the cover she places it on display on her desk. The bright golden V for five shined on her . Sometimes she tricks herself into thinking that means he’s proud of her wherever he is.  
On display just like her. For being to look and gawk but never touch.  
Number seven will never be a true rebel. But Vanya Hargreeves? The most bravest,craziest girl with a typewriter for a brain and the biggest heart. And that’s enough for her. It has to be.


	2. Reginald Flips His Shit.(I Hate Him)

Vanya had mostly free reign. Father did sent her to public school after he caught her siblings and her talking a few times. It made him angry that she was being included. It was both a blessing and a curse.

 

Vanya did blend in surprisingly well. That was new. She was a clever girl, with a wicked sense of humor , and musical talent. With a skill to hide in the background which made getting through the day far easier. She also was cute which she was unaware of.

 

Being abused and being number seven did have its downsides though. Between The other hatred of her,Fives ghost haunting her, and Allison’s jealousy she was tired. Tired of not being seen , tired of being worthless.

 

So she went to the bridge and sat down. She cried and cried and was just about to give up. When she spotted a red haired boy walking towards her. He was a senior at her school. One of the popular stoner punk kids. He sat next to her and offered a random suggestion.

 

“You feel empty right? The never ending hope inside you is eating you? I mean by all means you could impress me and do a stunning front flip off this bridge,” he gestured to the ground,” or you could let me dye your hair and live.”

 

Vanya has never in her life been saved before so she quietly told him that and let him pull her off the bridge. Lucifer pulled her into a glass station and quickly got the things he needed. As he lit up a blunt with one hand he begun bleaching her hair.

 

She picked blue. Five once had a blue phase where all the books he read were blue. She missed him so much. The bleach stung as she ate a warm slightly melted chocolate bar. Later as she washed her hair with the stones senior in the sink she marveled at her blue bobbed hair.

 

She hugged him and thanked him a million times. He let her go and they both parted ways. Vanya felt a million times lighter. She felt like she could take on the whole world. She felt noticed walking home and getting looks from random people. It didn’t bother her though since she loved being seen.

 

Arriving home Vanya went straight to sleep. When waking home she left to school to show off her hair skipping breakfast. Her hair unseen by her family members except for mother who told her it suited her softly.

 

Going home she went straight to her room. Building up her courage she perfected her Seven mask. A blank face, face angled down, with new and improved confident eyes framed by aquamarine blue hair. When the dinner bell rung she walked out and sat in place.

 

All six kids one by one noticed . And were gawking at her. Vanya breathed and reminded herself of fives blue phase and he would have loved it ,as she forced herself to eat. After dinner they all were dismissed before father barked at her to stay.

 

A backhand to the face forced her down on her knees. Mothers smile was frozen on her face in her corner of the room. Father look absolutely pissed off at the tiny girl in front of him curled up on the floor

 

“Who do you think you are? Do you think you matter more than the rest of your siblings? That you’re special?,” father barked.

 

Father gripped her hair tightly and yanked it. Vanya was quietly sobbing and she was so tired. He barked at Grace to get him a dagger. When mother returned he held her hairs in place while he sawed off her blue hair. Vanya wept in sorrow at the loss.

 

Gripping her chin he forced her to look him in his cold dead blue eyes. “You are nothing. You don’t matter and you never will. Number seven is and will always be the most useless child in this house,” he finished hissing softly .

 

Father ordered Grace to take her to the infirmary and “fix” her hair. Mother cleaned up the shredded blue hair and led the broken girl to the infirmary. Mother dyed her hair back to brown and patched up the nicks and scrapes on her neck from fathers dagger. As well as icing her swollen cheek.

 

One thing was different though . Her siblings one by one stopped by. All of them telling her they thought she looked good and they were sorry about her hair in their own ways.It made her so happy she ignored the pain she felt. 

 

Granted she wasn’t allowed to go outside for three weeks, no school ,six weeks of zero socialization, and eating meals alone. She did relapse but who cares right? She got noticed and that was all the mattered. The senior who dyed her hair apologized to her when she did go back to school.

 

She thanked him over and over again and watched as he vanished with a soft smile. Feeling her eyes linger on his black eye and his eyes on her bruised cheek.Later his father killed him and Vanya felt such sorrow at that. She would always remember him as the one who helped her be seen.

 

But know she knew that being seen came with a cost. She was only visible when it suited others. Which the knowledge that being seen always lead her in pain. Number seven knew had to be careful. She was a cunning girl and she was determined to not let that’s asshole break her yet. 

 

Vanya wondered what rule she should break next while lightly touching some blue hair she snatched up off the ground. She smirked and thought of the chaos she’d bring.


End file.
